#4thTP::: Five Months Postpartum

I thought I was done being "postpartum" at three months. Nope, I'll do two more updates. Now, those women who say "I'm eleven months postpartum!!" irk me just a little. That's a little much, but I believe I can stop being postpartum by month six. Two more updates won't kill anyone, right?!

Pounds gained in pregnancy: 29

Pounds lost since delivery: ???

To go: ???

I no longer have a goal weight; happy and healthy is the goal. If I focus too much on numbers, old habits creep back in (keep reading). If I weigh two hundred pounds my entire life, then I'll make every last one of the healthiest I possibly can, and I'll be happy because I'll know I'm doing my best.

Did I just reveal numbers? Maybe. If I can't be honest with y'all, then there's absolutely no point in my blogging. 

     I don't know what I weigh right now, and I'm loving it. I gained a little around Valentine's Day (homegirl was not lying about eating all that chocolate), and I freaked out. I felt some old habits coming back, the ones that made me obsessive about my weight and calorie counting, the ones that eventually caused my eating disorder, which I will discuss at length at a later time. I knew I had to ignore what the scale and instead go by how my clothes fit and how I was feeling. I overdid it one day on Valentine's chocolate, but I jumped right back on the clean eating wagon the next day. It's definitely hard for me to not obsess, so that's why I put the scale away for a little while. Am I still progressing? Absolutely! Sometimes being able to do without the scale is progress in itself.

     I am feeling fantastic lately. Lifting weights has seriously become one of my favorite things to do, and I love how strong I feel. Even if it means my weight loss has slowed, I know I'm gaining muscle. I have so much energy and feel amazing in my skin for the first time in my life. I'm not where I want to be, but I am working on it and getting there. I mean no offense to the people who go to the gym just to run on the treadmill or ride a bike, but seriously, I just want to violently shake all the girls who say lifting weights will turn us into manly-looking she-males. AHHHH!!!! (screaming in frustration)

Progress Photos

Do you really think I look like a man?? I still have boobs and a big butt, but I have better defined arms and-- okay, we're getting somewhere with the legs! I do not look like a man! I look like a woman who could probably kick your ass if I tried hard enough (depending on who you are, that may be a challenge).

NSV

I have ONE non-scale victory, and it's this: being able to wear a tank top with leggings and not feel sloppy :)

Happy & healthy is the goal.

It really is, and I'm getting there. I will weigh again soon, and the number won't make or break me. Being and feeling healthy means so much more than any number ever could. Weight loss is a long, hard, and slow journey, and I'm learning so much about myself along the way. I'm happier now than I've ever been, and no number on the scale could hurt that right now. It's taken me twenty-four years to realize that I am worth fighting for. Thank you for your support and encouragement along the way. You all mean so much to me!