I'm friends with a lot of soon-to-be first year teachers, and as I
scroll through the things they're pinning (classroom management ideas,
Common Core information, worksheets, activities), I can't help but
smile and think, You have absolutely no idea what you are getting into.
You don't, and I mean that politely. Prepare yourselves to be exhausted beyond all comparison every single day for the first month. I remember my first two weeks: I came home, ate everything I could get my hands on, and was in bed by six! Some of you may discover quickly that this is way more than you thought it was... Some of you may be miserable. Maybe not miserable in that you hate teaching... More like exhausted and stressed to the point of death. Or maybe you will discover that this exhausting, time-consuming, extremely difficult profession really isn't for you. Perhaps you will be miserable; only time will tell.
One of these days, and I don't know when because it's still difficult for me to think about, much less talk about, but some day soon I will tell the story of why I was forced, tricked, manipulated into resigning chose to resign from teaching after just two years. Like I said, it's a hard thing for me to talk about, but I will discuss it eventually because people should know, and I believe it's a story that might offer some encouragement to struggling teachers or those who are going through/have gone through something similar. For now though, I'm happy with what I'm doing. I did discover after the first year that teaching high school wasn't really my thing. I became a teacher in hopes of one day teaching college level English, which is still my ultimate goal and one I am well on my way to achieving. But there were definitely things about it that I enjoyed, even loved. On the other hand, there were many things that tested my patience and sanity--things I will not at all miss! Read all about it below.
Five Things I Won't Miss
1. Lesson Plans: I remember the instructor and the course I took in
the spring of 2011 that was all about how to read and understand the
Mississippi Frameworks and how to take those standards and objectives
and apply them to your lesson plans. I hated the class and it was one
of very few C's I got while in college. This sounds ridiculous, but I
think I thought in the back of my mind that I could get away with
never making lesson plans. HA! Two weeks into teaching in August 2012,
I couldn't stand it. I actually have to sit here and think about
exactly what I'm going to do with 94 minutes five days a week for two
or three weeks?! I can't even tell you what I'm cooking for dinner
tonight! I met with a lot of teachers (great teachers!) who shared
the same hatred of making lesson plans; they gave me lots of tips on
how to make the whole process much less painful, and I even figured
out a few tricks of my own. I did really well at mapping out the
objectives I wanted to cover over the course of a unit, whether it
lasted two weeks or a month, but I just hated having to map out every
minute of every day. It is truly part of being a teacher, but it still
makes me shudder.
2. Common Core: we were so close to implementing it as I was preparing
to graduate in 2012, yet my professors hardly ever mentioned it. At
all. And after two years, I know why. I was volunteered to be a part
of a transition team at my school for Common Core, so for an entire
year, I attended a two-hour workshop at our county office one evening
every month, sometimes twice a month. On the surface, Common Core
looks really good, call it "gilded" if you will. But once you start
digging, you realize how corrupt and messed up it really is. Most do at least.
I've met very few teachers who actually think it's all that great. The
people hosting the workshop could not and often would not answer some
of the questions we had about it. It didn't take us long to figure out
why. I will say that with a baby on the way, I'm already terrified for
his educational future. My husband and I claim that he will attend a
private school that is not utilizing Common Core, but those aren't
cheap and they are few. The thing about education is that if you don't
like something, just wait five years and it'll be thrown out or
changed, so I just pray that we're done with this mess by the time
Vaught is enrolled in school.
3. Classroom Management: Look, pin all the management ideas you want
to. You're not going to have a single clue what you're doing. For a
while. And it's okay. Even when I did figure out how to get my kids to
settle down, I still just wanted to let the lazy ones be lazy and the
sleepy ones sleep. If you don't want to do the work and pass, just sit
in the back and be quiet; you're not hurting me. But it does hurt you
as a teacher because you'll get sick of your principal(s) having a
conniption every time they pass by or pop in your classroom and one
student has his or her head down or is texting under their desk. Oh
yeah, cell phones. Look, I am standing up here delivering what could
be the most amazing lesson in the world, mind-blowing even, with a
fabulous PowerPoint presentation I spent three hours making! Ninety
percent of these kids are probably really into it, especially if I'm
really into it. I am not worried about the one girl texting in her
lap; sorry, I'm too busy teaching--you know, the job you're paying me
to do--to worry about looking for cell phones every two minutes.
They're there and they're inescapable. I'll never forget, in my first
year, one of my assistant principals walked into my classroom in the
middle of my kids doing a writing assignment. I was sitting next to a
student who rarely did anything, but on this particular day, he was really
into this assignment. I was helping him map out a web for his essay,
which I was thrilled to do because he rarely asked for help. My
assistant principal didn't see that though. All he saw was the girl in
the corner of the classroom texting under her desk, and I got the full
lecture in his office the next day. With this particular principal, I
just learned to smile and nod my head and say "yes sir" to everything he
said (you'll run into administration like that), but I still found it
impeccable that he could not appreciate the good that was going on in
my class.
4. Bullying: I hated when it happened to me (as a child and as an
adult), but I hated it even more when I saw it happening to my
students. Kids are cruel, and it seems they've only gotten meaner
since I was one. I know what it's like to be the bully, and I know why
people are mean--because they're unhappy or insecure with themselves.
But you can't tell a teenager that, for they'll never believe you.
It's something you just grow to realize as you get older. As a
teacher, I endured harassment and ridicule at the hands of another
teacher at the high school where I worked. When you're a teenager, I
feel like so much of the act of hurting someone verbally is just a
phase. Unfortunately, it's just part of growing up because there's
always going to be that big mean kid on the playground or the one
shoving people around in the hallways. But as an adult? You realize
that those mean people have some serious problems. Of course I knew
that the entire time, but I could not, for the life of me, understand
why this person made me her own personal target. I spent too much time
crying over it, trying to understand why, talking with my husband and
my parents about what I could have been doing wrong and why she hated
me so much. I know now that it was never a problem with me--it's never
a problem with the victim. Whoever is causing harm like that has some
inner demons that he or she just has not found the strength to
confront yet. Future teachers: if this happens to you, tell your principal
first and foremost, and then pray for that person. Pray with an honest,
humble heart. And after you've done that for a little while and it doesn't
seem to be getting much better, look your bully right in the eye and tell
him or her how pathetic they really are and how thankful you are to not be
like them. I learned firsthand that this will take care of the problem for the
most part.
5. Unsupportive Staff: You know those people who just obviously hate
their jobs? They're everywhere. They're even teaching your children. I
know this because I had to listen to them every day--at lunch, in the
hallways, during duty hours. Why are you even here then? I
figured out after my first year that teaching high school probably
wasn't my thing. Even still, I wanted to do it for another year
because the positives outweighed the negatives, and I knew I needed
another year or two of experience as I began working on my Master's
degree. By the middle of my second year, I really knew that this was
not for me. Even still, my kids and fellow teachers would have never
known it. I always had a smile on my face and was happy to help the
kids in my classroom. In general, I did enjoy coming to work, and I
still loved watching them learn and succeed. During my second year, I
ate lunch every day with a group of about a dozen teachers. For twenty
minutes every single day we listened to one of them gripe about how
she was handed the worst kids every year and hated all of them and
they were all up to no good and would never amount to anything. Don't
you know that kids will figure out if you feel that way, and by
having that mindset, you are only hurting them? It was difficult to
listen to, because it was clear that she hated 99% of them. I know
teenagers can be mischevious and yes, some of them are just out
looking for trouble. But that's not true for every one, and you cannot
have that attitude as a teacher. You cannot come to work every day
hating your life because it eventually just makes you old and bitter.
My advice: if you're miserable after the first year, give it just one
more year. I wasn't miserable per se, but I wasn't entirely pleased
with how my first year went. Even still, I'm glad I returned for a
second year. If you're still miserable after that second year, resign
and find something new. Move. On. No, I'm not speaking for myself--it
was not solely my choice to resign. I would have loved to have given
Special Education another year. But I've listened to far too many griping
teachers to tell you otherwise.
Three Things I Will
1. My Students: I called them "my kids" because that is exactly what
they were. From day one, I would have done anything for any one of
them. When I began teaching inclusion, I fell in love with them even
more because I got to teach the kids I was never friends with in high
school; turns out, they're truly some of the best. I loved watching
them learn and succeed. I loved a warm hug after helping one of mine
pass a state test he had failed and celebrating with him when he was told
that he would be graduating the next May. I loved coming up with quirky
poems and tricks to help them learn new vocabulary words. And I loved
being someone they could talk to about anything--well, most things.
Through several events in my personal life, my kids at work are what kept
me going. We all had our good days and bad days, but there was rarely a day
when they did not put a smile on my face.
2. Friends: there was but one teacher I encountered in two years who
had some sort of problem with me (the bully mentioned above), but
aside from that, I made some amazing friends in the people I worked
with. There's one in particular that I know is a friend for life,
someone I will carry with me no matter where I go. She is the glue
that held me together some days, and she was always open for good
advice or just a hug when I needed one. I loved the women I ate lunch
with every day. We shared many laughs, a little gossip now and then,
and I can never thank them enough for how supportive they were when,
young and terrified, I announced my pregnancy in February. I made other
friends up and down the hallways as well, but these ladies in particular
will hold a special place in my heart forever.
3. A Good Lesson: at least once a week, I made sure to "put on a
show." I'd like to say that I was on top of it every single day, but I
would be lying. Some days I just had a short lecture and would then
turn my kids loose on an assignment. But often I would spend hours
putting together one single, productive day, and when it went well,
those days were the best. I loved teaching something I was really into
(like William Faulkner or Edgar Allan Poe) and seeing my passion for
it rub off on my students. One student in particular became a big fan
of Eudora Welty after we read two of her short stories in my class. I
loved the days where I packed tons of fun, new things into one
ninety-four minute block, and my students really took off with it. No,
that wasn't every day, but when it did happen, it made for an amazing
day as a teacher. That made teaching totally worth it.
As you can see, I can only come up with three things I'll miss that I can say a whole lot about, while I could go on and on about the things I'll definitely not yearn for. This, in large part, is how I know I'm
happier without being a high school teacher for now. Once I've completed my Master's degree, hopefully by the end of next summer, I could come back to high school. I just pray that God leads me to the right place when I'm ready.
If I've left you extremely curious as to how and why I left teaching, just know that I will one day be ready to be completely open about it. In all honesty, my mother and husband are the only ones who know the story in its entirety. I suppose one or two of my principals do, but they may have completely different versions, and that's okay. I'll never know, and I try not to care--I'm learning that I don't have to feel responsible for other people's decisions, regardless of the harm they sometimes cause. I have a lot I'd like to say now, but actions speak louder than words. My plan is to keep moving forward; I have far too many good things to look forward to.
Future teachers: I can't help but laugh at some of the things you post about how excited you are--in a lighthearted way of course! I'm excited for you, and I hope and pray for the best. I believe that many of you are going to be amazing teachers, and I can't wait to watch you succeed. Just remember that some people are mean and will always be that way--it's not your problem. Keep doing what you're doing, work hard, and your kids will love you for it. You will definitely reap the benefits teaching has to offer.
