As a sophomore in college, I remember scheduling a facial night with a consultant from a skincare company with a few girlfriends at my apartment in Oxford. I canceled the day of the event with the excuse that I'd forgotten about my first date party that night with my sorority. Had I really forgotten? No. I just had no respect for her time and figured it wouldn't hurt to wait until the last minute.
I have shown up to car lots, test-driven vehicles, talked business with car salesmen and lot managers, only to say "Okay, maybe I'll be back tomorrow," and walk away. Knowing at the time when I did this that I was in absolutely no position to purchase a new vehicle, I now wonder (now that I know better) if by wasting that salesperson's time, I kept him or her from closing a new car deal with a serious customer.
I used to make hair appointments and cancel at last minute. I almost always had a good excuse, never revealing the true one, which was probably that I couldn't afford whatever I wanted done to my hair that day.
I'm a little ashamed to say that I was in my mid-twenties before I truly gained a respect for others' time and stopped being so damn selfish. Now here I am, owner of my own little growing empire with a home-based business, and I am encountering similar situations from potential customers and business partners almost weekly. In the beginning of my business, probably in my first year, I dismissed many of these "ghosters" with the assumption--the correct assumption, I've learned--that most of them will eventually come back around. I'll have a young mother or college student come to me desperate for a means of making some extra money, and if she ghosts, she usually comes back when that medical bill or tuition statement or credit card bill comes in and she realizes something in her life must change.
I have talked to many people who have struggled with their weight just like I have, seen my success implementing ItWorks into a healthy lifestyle change, and they want to try the products too. When they dip out on me, I'll hear from them again in a month or two when their "fat jeans" are no longer zipping or they step on the scale at a doctor appointment to see that they've gained even more weight.
I'm constantly in prayer for the people who reach out to me about my business, whether for the opportunity or simply for the products. I seriously talk to God about these people each and every day. I ask Him to show me how I can help, lend an ear and a hand, and just be a friend to them. I know how it feels to be broker than broke. I know how it feels to be horrified at struggling to get size 18 jeans to zip or to be winded after climbing one flight of stairs.
Like I said, for a while I let people occupy my time in concerns to my business, and when someone did ghost on me or stop responding to me or even block me, I let it go. Thus, I also had to let go of the time, usually hours on hours, that I spent texting or messaging with them, giving them advice, empathizing with them, and helping them map out a plan to make their situation, whatever it may be, better.
So can I just say here on my personal blog, as opposed to anywhere else, that I am no longer afraid to call you out? If you're one of those who comes to me with all your questions and I give my time and attention to you and in a matter of days or weeks you seem to vanish off the grid, despite continuing to share news stories and memes on social media, get ready, sweetheart. Because I am coming for you.
(Cue Blondie's "One Way or Another.")
It's not that I want to embarrass or intimidate you. It's not that you're a crappy person or that you intentionally did a selfish, crappy thing, but I'm running a business here. This is not a hobby. This is not play-time money (well, some of it is, I mean #theselashes). This is how I make a living and provide for my family. This puts food on our table, pays the bills, grows Vaught's savings account and a retirement fund for me. This is our emergency medical fund, gas and electric bill, health insurance. This is clothes for Vaught, and an oil change when I need it.
I hope you understand me when I say that I do not play about this. At all.
It's not okay to take time from me to talk about products or an opportunity that could quite literally change your entire life and then ghost out when I attempt, multiple times, to follow up with you. Doing that doesn't warrant you to assume that I "get it" and will leave you alone. As a matter of fact, it's bound to do directly the opposite; I'm more likely to assume that you're scared and running low on self-esteem--if you weren't, you wouldn't be so intent on avoiding me. And if you're scared, I want to help. If your self-esteem is that low, I want to help even more.
If you come to me about trying a product that you've seen me use or post about, and for whatever reason you change your mind and decide now is not the best time for you to try it or you don't have the money to spend or for whatever reason you just decide to not do business with me, I hope you know that it is 100% okay. I say "no, thank you" to businesses, products, and services all the time, and no one is hurt because of it. No relationships are ruined because of a polite no. If you talk to me about the business, about the income potential, about joining my team, and then for whatever reason (usually fear), you decide now is not the best time for you to get started, you can let me know. Your "no" doesn't ruin my business, believe me. Your decision to wait doesn't hurt me in the least bit--but I do appreciate you're letting me know. That's the courteous thing to do, guys!
So I have to let you know--because it's the entire point of this very honest blog post--that I'm not afraid to confront you if and when you do this. When I see you in the flesh, I'm not afraid to ask you what's up, why you ghosted. I don't care if you're at the semi-annual Victoria's Secret sale with your mom and sister or at the movies with your boyfriend or at a three-year-old's birthday party... I'm not afraid to embarrass you. I'm mildly pleased at watching you sweat as you realize you've been caught, cornered, and confronted (I'll never understand why this terrifies some people so much). I'm watching as it dawns on you that you realize I am 100% percent serious and that I don't play about it, and that this is exactly why I'm successful at what I do.
If you're one who has said "no, thank you," at some point, whether we'd been in touch just once or a hundred times, know that this isn't for you and you are merely reading for entertainment. Thank you for being courteous and for doing the right thing.
If you're reading this and thinking that I'm a total deranged psychopath, know that that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm no more upset than the skincare lady I cancelled on that afternoon during my sophomore year of college. I'm no more upset than the hair stylist I used to cancel two-hour appointments on at last minute. I'm no more upset than the salesperson at the car lot who just spent an hour with you and passed up multiple serious buyers letting you test-drive vehicles you had no intent of buying. I'm no more upset than the floor workers in a retail store who have tended to your every need for the past hour only to have you walk out and leave a mess on the dressing room floor, or the restaurant server who kept your drinks refilled and gave you that extra ranch for free and was left without a single tip. I'm no more upset than the insurance agent who spent hours helping you compare quotes but is left wondering if you died or simply decided to use another company.
This is me telling you, friend, that it's okay to say "no, thank you" to me. It's okay to explain your fears or hesitations; it's okay to admit to me that you're scared! It's okay to say you've prayed about it and decided it's not for you right now.
I simply ask for the respect of letting me know, the same respect that should be shown to any business owner who spends time with you and is helpful to you. It costs time and money or us to successfully run our businesses so that we can help you. But it costs absolutely nothing to be courteous and kind.
Let me know. Because if you don't and I see you out doing whatever, I'm coming for you. I will make a beeline in that grocery store. I do not care if your mama's standing right there or if you're holding your friend's baby. I'm not afraid to embarrass you.
#savageaf
