Die(t) Another Day

 

     One thing I'd like for you to bear in mind is that this is something that is really hard for me to talk about. I've really only ever talked about it with a nutritionist I used to meet with once a month so that he could refill my prescription for diet pills... and my husband. But I'm not even sure I've gone into this much detail about it with my husband. He just knows that when it comes to dieting and trying different fad diets and weight loss methods, I've been around the block a time or two. Or a million times, it feels like. You could probably call me the whore of the dieting world.

     I grew up in a house full of women: me, my mom, and my two older sisters: Mandy (10 years older than I) and Lauren (5 years older). The women ran the show, while my dad and little brother were just there. So, from an early age I heard a lot of girl talk, and much of it usually had to do with our bodies and different things happening with us. Weight was obviously a very popular topic amongst my mom and sisters. Although my mom has always been kind of petite, both my sisters were overweight throughout their adolescent and young adult years. They too have struggled with body image throughout their lives. I recognized that I was a chubby kid at about five or six years old, and I was okay with that. My first memory of being teased for being fat goes back to second grade. I would run home and cry to my mom who always made everything better. By third grade I knew that I was considered a fat kid, but I was also popular and nice to everyone and had a lot of friends. Kids liked me, and if anyone ever got mad at me, "fat" was the only insult they could throw at me. I was kind and compassionate; therefore, I was easy to tear down. I think I've always been that way.

Lean Cuisine

Despite wanting to be one of the skinnier kids since I was probably seven years old, the first diet I can ever recall being on came the summer after fifth grade. I was eleven, and this was definitely my awkward phase. I'd had my braces removed a few months prior but was preparing to get a second set in December after I turned 12. I had a round face and very dark, prominent freckles that I hated. (Over time my freckles lightened and I absolutely love them now). My best friend Chelsea was skinny, and I wanted to be too. With my mom's help, I started the Lean Cuisine diet. By "help," I mean she bought all the meals for me because I couldn't obviously. (Disclaimer: she is not and never has been "one of those moms." She did all of these things because I asked her to, not due to her own vices). I was so excited to do the Lean Cuisine diet! I just knew I'd be skinny by the end of summer and no one would recognize me on the first day of 6th grade. I was 11 years old, guys. Eleven. Too young to even consider dieting. I lost about 10 pounds that summer but was still overweight. And it all started here.

Slim Fast

Sometime during 6th grade I started the Slim Fast diet and this continued into the summer before 7th grade. I actually did have some minor success with this. That summer before middle school I actually lost about 20 pounds. I grew a couple of inches taller too, so I would almost go so far as to say I had "thinned up." I vividly remember the outfit I wore my first day of 7th grade, and I remember feeling good. I felt like I looked nice. I was still overweight, but as I progressed through puberty I began to fill out a bit more; as a result, I looked a little more proportionate instead of just fat.

Random OTC Diet Pills

Hydroxycut. Zantrex 3. Yellow Jackets. Stackers. I tried them all and then some. All they did was make me nervous and hyper and gave me dry mouth. I was taking some pills in the weeks leading up to my wedding (I actually gained weight right before my wedding), and I remember being so buzzed up in my classroom one day that I had to run to my chair and sit down real fast right in front of my kids and in the middle of a lesson. I know I probably looked like a crazy woman, and that's how these pills made me feel. Obviously, no weight was lost on these.

At my biggest: Christmas 2010

Diet pill abuser: September 2011

Weight Watchers

This works wonders for some people, and that's awesome! I don't think that Weight Watchers is a "fad diet" at all, unlike most of the things mentioned in this post. It's such an amazing program for so many; you're given points based on your current weight, goal weight or ideal weight, and activity level. Then each day you consume those points any way you'd like--just try to avoid going over. In the summer of 2012, I figured I'd give it a try. I was on Weight Watchers for three months. Nearly $100 later, I had gained six pounds. Another failed attempt for the books. To this day I'm still unsure of why it didn't work for me. I just remember feeling so let down and frustrated. It would still be a year and a half before I figured things out. Onward...

Phentermine

I started taking these pills in the fall of 2012 after meeting a lady at work who took them and had lost 30 pounds. These actually worked really well for me... For about two months. My mom has taken these before too and said the same thing; they work great for a little while, then they just stop. I lost about fifteen pounds with Phentermine, all of which was gained back within a few months.

Sensa

Remember that atrocious Sensa commercial? "Shake, shake! Shake, shake! Shake your Sensa... Shake your Sensa!" So humiliating. Even more humiliating that I tried it. But I saw a free trial advertisement and took it, and it ended up NOT being free at all, and before I realized it I had spent $80 on freakin' Sensa shakers. This was summer of 2013, so I can't get by with saying I was young and stupid and should have known better. I was just desperate. It was another quick fix I was willing to try.

Summer of 2013: addicted to working out... and food.

Thinogenics

My cousin took these pills, and they took a few pounds off of her. The girl who styled my hair for my wedding lost about twenty-five pounds on Thinogenics. But for me, this was a no-go. I took them for two months in the fall of 2013 and noticed absolutely no changed in my weight or appetite.

Alli

Again, these pills did nothing for me except send me running to the bathroom after every meal. Disgusting... That's all I'll say.

...............................

 

I'm so embarrassed by everything above, and if you know me, you probably agree that it's not really like me to go waste hard-earned money on things that I know are not going to work. Honestly, these were all just desperate attempts at quick fixes. I just wanted to lose weight; I didn't want to change my lifestyle or eating habits. I wanted to take a pill then be able to eat a Big Mac and fries. I wanted to have a great workout then go chow down at the Mexican restaurant and indulge in multiple margaritas.

There are probably so many more pills and methods I tried. Actually, I'm certain there are, I just can't remember all of them right now. But there is one "diet" I never really tried (well, tried but didn't commit to) that I am 100% certain works:

A Lifestyle Change

It's taken me nearly twenty years to figure this out. I can enjoy a meal at the Mexican restaurant or a cheeseburger. I can limit myself to just a few chips with salsa or guacamole, and I can order chicken tortilla soup. I can eat that cheeseburger but only every now and then and with veggies or a salad on the side. There is no quick fix, and there never will be. No pill or powder or supplement will ever be able to do for me what making healthy choices can. Whoever said that abs are made in the kitchen wasn't lying. Since eating healthier, I've noticed a world of difference in how strong I feel, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I don't feel ashamed or guilty when I leave a restaurant. I'm not regretting any food choices at the end of the day, and that's all the motivation I need to keep going. It's hard sometimes, and it often takes a lot of willpower on my part, but it brings me such peace of mind knowing that I'm doing something good for myself and my future.

Like I said, I'm a little bit embarrassed to share this, but I'm going to hit that "publish" button and give you all the inside look. Yeah, it's humiliating, but I can't be ashamed. If I can just touch one person... If I can get one person to say I'm going to love myself more by making better choices. If I can motivate just one person to go for a walk this afternoon or visit the gym for the first time... If one person goes and dumps their diet pills down the drain and opts to change an unhealthy lifestyle, then I've done my job, and I won't ask for anything else.

Hard work, healthy eating, happy Kate :)

A very happy (and almost blonde) Kate :)

You all mean so much to me, I hope you know that. Honestly, there's many of you I don't yet know, but you've been a better friend to me than some of the people I've known my entire life. You push me and motivate me, you keep me going. Please share this post or any of my blog posts on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media network any time I write something that hits home with you. I have loved connecting with so many of you, and I want to connect with so many more! I mean it when I say you all mean the world to me. You make blogging so worth it!