The Morning I Became a Mother

Contrary to popular belief, not all women become mothers the moment they discover they're pregnant. Some feel that maternal instinct during the first ultrasound when they hear that sweet little heartbeat. Some feel it at the same time they feel that first kick. For some, it doesn't come until they actually meet their little one face to face on baby's birthday.

Me? It was last Tuesday.

     Vaught was five days old and still sleeping on his back. I was getting very little sleep, if any at all. When Eric left for work at 5:15am, I was in the recliner with Vaught. Around six he finally drifted off to sleep, and I was anticipating that loooong morning nap he's known to take from about six to ten. I carried him into our bedroom and gently laid him on Eric's side of the bed (on his back) then laid down beside him, prepared to get a at least a couple of hours of sleep. Around 6:30, I was just starting to doze off when I heard my son make this awful gurgling sound behind me. I turned just in time to see him projectile vomit... while laying on his back. He coughed and gagged as it went all over his face, hair, and body. It was even in his eyes. He was literally covered in spit-up. I scrambled out of bed, suddenly wide awake, and ran to his side. I just remember saying, "Oh my God! Vaught!" When I got to him, he was just laying there, perfectly calm but covered in his own vomit.

     I looked down at him, and it was here that I became a mother. He looked so helpless and the cutest bit of pathetic. I suddenly realized that I truly am his entire world. He depends on me and Eric for everything and will for quite some time. His happiness, wellbeing, health, and quality of life all depend on us. It was a huge moment for me as I realized the role I play in his precious little life. I scooped him up and told him over and over "It's okay, baby. Mommy's here. You're okay." All the while he just remained so calm. He didn't cry as I wiped him down with wet wipes then slathered him in baby lotion to get rid of the smell and stickiness. I probably should have bathed him but couldn't yet due to his umbilical cord and circumcision ring. In addition, I'd not bathed him without Eric by my side and was afraid to without him. I put him in a new onesie then carried him in the living room where I stayed awake for another hour rocking him, looking at him, and praying for him.

 

It's amazing how someone so small can mean so much. And being a mother really is an amazing thing. My world has changed so quickly, but to him, I am the world. It's scary and wonderful all at the same time. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.