Common Questions

Several weeks ago, I did a blog entry on the five-ish things you shouldn't say to or ask a pregnant woman. Today I would like to address five questions that I've been getting lately. No, they don't irk me or upset me, but I since I can't launch into a ten minute explanation of my answers around a bunch of people, I will put it all on here. That's what the blog is for anyway, right??

1. "What's your birth plan?"

My what? The first time I heard it I had to Google it. I was surprised at how many women actually type up these extremely specific, often five-page documents, citing precisely how they want and expect their birth experience to go, from the drugs they do/do not want and the time of day they would like to give birth, all the way down to the outfit in which they'll depart from the hospital. All I could think was... Are you serious? As I read and researched some more, I discovered that birth plans seem to be more common with women who plan to have a home birth with a midwife or a doula present at an un-medicated birth. I guess I can see where I would want to map out a birth plan if I were giving birth in my bathtub or in a plastic pool in my living room. But I'm one of those gals who will birth at a hospital (if all goes well) with a doctor who's done this a million times. My plan? To check into the hospital with a baby in my belly and check out with him in my arms, ready for the long ride home. I plan to shut up, breathe, and just do what I'm told, taking each little thing, contractions and all, as it comes. I do plan on having an epidural; however, if my doctor or a nurse says things are moving too quickly/too complicated/whatever other reasons there could be that prevent me from getting one, that's fine. I don't have a negative view on getting an epidural; I believe I'll be able to enjoy the experience a little more if I can be somewhat more comfortable as opposed to not having one. Even still, women have un-medicated births every day, and if I have to join their ranks, I will make it. (I don't believe in calling them "natural births;" birth, in all of its forms, is natural). Either way, my body is made to do this, so I'll get through it. My "birth plan" is to go into that hospital room calm and collected and come out with a healthy baby boy. Whatever happens between check-in and check-out will just have to be. I hope I'm not offending anyone, but in my own opinion, overly specific, minute-by-minute birth plans are for control freaks, and I am definitely not one. My trust is in the good Lord and my doctor.

2. "Don't you  know the risks of epidurals?!"

I do, and I also am aware of the risks of driving a car, boarding an airplane, making a purchase online, walking in Memphis, heck even putting on panty hose poses some risks... or maybe that's just me. I really hate the epidemic we have begun with epidurals and how women who choose to have one are often seen as less than but not equal to the women who give birth with little to no medication. Not all women feel this way, I know. I personally do not think any higher of a woman who chooses to give birth with no meds. Upon talking with women who did so, I don't congratulate them and tell them how brave they are. It's a personal choice and one that must be made depending on what is best for the mother--hopefully a decision that she makes with the professional guidance of her doctor or whomever is aiding in the delivery of her baby. I feel like the judgment here would be like me judging someone for choosing Asics over Nike's when I swear by Nike as the best and only running shoe one should ever purchase. Okay, so that's not a perfect simile, but you get what I'm saying. Personally, I have no doubts that I could handle an unmedicated birth if I have to, and I very well might, I won't know until it's time. But my choice of getting an epidural is what I feel is best for me so that I can remain as calm and comfortable as possible. There's no threat to Vaught, so I am not worried a single bit.

3. "Who all is going to be in the room with you when you deliver?"

Who all? You mean just who, right? This one's a very common question, and I really like the way my husband and I are handling this situation as far as the birth experience. Aside from the doctor and nurses (obviously), my husband is the only person who will be beside me in the delivery room. I know, I know. Everyone's next question is "You don't want your mom there?!" At this point, no, I do not want her there. And she has made it clear to me that she does not want to be there. She is my best friend, always has been, and we are as close as a mother and daughter can be, but she has explained that the birth of our son is a special time for Eric and me, and she feels it will be a better experience overall if it's just the two of us. Although most women elect to have their mothers present, she requested that I really give it some thought; she thinks I'll do just fine having only Eric, and I have to say that I agree. I'm a tough girl, so I also want to know that I can do this without her there. She's always been there for me and says she'll come if I want her to, but I really want it to just be Eric and me. If some serious complications occur in the end and I'm really scared, then I'll probably want my mama, and that's perfectly understandable. But in general, I don't think a lot of people take into account how special the birth of a child really is. I can't imagine wanting spectators (a la Kourtney Kardashian) or a ton of people out in the waiting room. That's another thing I'm unsure of. After pushing a baby out of a very small exit (or even being cut into to get him out; whatever happens happens!), am I really going to want to visit and chat with a bunch of family thirty minutes later? Probably not. Eric and I also agree that we will call family members and friends and welcome them to visit when we are ready, whether it's the day after in the hospital or a week after we return home.

4. "How are you feeling?"

This one does not annoy me at all--it's just that I answer it about a dozen times a day... to the post office master, the people at the bank, the people at the other bank, my customers, the pharmacist next door... It just gets a little old. I'm twenty-nine weeks pregnant tomorrow, and I still feel great. Some days I just want to be lazy. Actually, last Saturday, the day after July 4th, my husband and I slept until nearly noon, got up and ate, and then napped and watched TV all afternoon. Although we did get rather productive working around the yard at about five that afternoon, it was actually really pleasant to just have a lazy day. It was the first Saturday in a while that I didn't have to be somewhere! Sometimes I feel a little anxious when I think about how drastically my life is going to change when Vaught gets here. I love getting up super early and going to Starbucks on Saturday and Sunday mornings and watching the sun rise (or finish rising) with an extra hot latte; no more of that come September! I do admit that I'm a bit of a worrier, but I try to shrug my apprehensions off and just trust that everything will be fine. Sometimes it feels like my hormones are out of control and I could just shoot the next person who looks at me "funny," but that's pregnancy for ya. Overall,  I feel good. I feel ready--most days at least.

5. "Have you picked Vaught's coming-home outfit?"

I wasn't quite sure what this was at first. Several people asked me as I began receiving and buying baby clothes, and I didn't realize that many people actually make a huge ordeal out of what they bring their baby home in. I looked online and discovered that the vast majority of these outfits can get really expensive... and the baby will only wear it once! Needless to say though, they are really precious little gowns and outfits! Eric and I decided that we're going to keep it really simple with Vaught. My friend got me this cute little gown (basically a footless onesie) at the surprise shower my teacher friends hosted for me in May, so this will most likely be what he comes home in. Even still, I'm going to pack a couple of the Ole  Miss onesies into our hospital bag; we agree that Vaught will definitely come home in red and blue :)