Below are statements and questions I compiled as I pretended to "work" yesterday afternoon. The school year's winding down (4 days left!), and I am so looking forward to summerrrrrrr. So, to get us in the mood, enjoy a little crude humor...
Were you trying?
Uhh. Does it matter? I'm married. To me, this translates into "Were you actively having unsafe sex for procreational purposes?" Would you ever say that to someone?
You shouldn't _______________ that when you're pregnant.
Drink that. Eat that. Be doing that. Whatever. I love my doctor; he told me from day one, keep doing whatever you were doing before. Enjoy this!
"But, Dr. Cole, I'm a coffee drinker."
"How many cups per day?"
"Umm... maybe a small latte? Some days I have a frappucino."
"You're fine. Don't exceed 2 small cups per day."
"Dr. Cole, I want to keep running and lifting weights."
"Okay...? Keep running and lifting weights. Don't push anything past discomfort and always stop at pain."
Also, please show me your medical license before you furrow your brows at my drinking a Coca Cola. Please tell me about how you abstained from absolutely everything during your pregnancy. Oh wait, most people that have said that haven't actually been pregnant before.
"You are going to breastfeed, RIGHT?"
Well, you know, I'd like to think that my baby will spend many hours attached to one boob or another, but let me just assure that I'm no less of a woman or mother if I'm unable to do so. Since that is, after all, what you are insinuating.
"Can I touch your belly?"
Um, can I punch your face? No. Hell. No.
"Your life is about to change forever."
Yes, it sure is, as I can imagine every parent's does when a baby comes into the picture. This is usually in addition to whomever telling me how hard my life is going to be and how I can no longer do all the things I did before Baby P came along. Sorry, but I'm probably not going to have the energy or care to make midnight grocery runs and early morning Starbucks trips.
"Have you gained much weight?"
"Wow! You're hardly showing!"
"When are you due?"
The list could go on and on! I've encountered all of these, and though I sound like such a bitter smarty-pants on here, I've actually been quite pleasant and friendly. The first person to touch my belly was my sister-in-law, after we announced. I was only 8 or 9 weeks along, so it was a little strange. I was like "That's not baby, Mykayla, I'm just fat!" Since then I've had a couple family members ask to touch, and once I okayed it, they did just that: a light touch, no obnoxious rubbing. I don't think I mind so much when it's family, but strangers? No.
Now that I'm expecting, though, I really do realize how rude and uncalled for some of these things are. The girl I bought my house from was 5 months pregnant when I toured the house two years ago next month. I gushed to her, "When are you due?!" I realize now that her response "Oh, any day now," with a sly smile, was probably her way of telling me to shove off. And I totally get it now. Most of these things are of absolutely NO concern to anyone aside from mother and her doctor (and of course her husband, but Eric couldn't possibly care less about many of these things).
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