I'm not gonna be that mom...

I made the decision when I got pregnant, and possibly even before, that I wouldn't be "that mom."

 

You know, the one who's obsessed with literally every trend, every fad, every reason to go non-GMO, all-natural, obsessively organic with my child. I've done well, for the most part, though I did go through an organic phase, and even now I catch myself grimacing a little as I watch my mom or someone else feed Vaught macaroni and cheese or a second cookie. But in general, I'm pretty chill.

One thing that is so prominent today, especially with the literal explosion of social media in my generation, is mommy wars. Mommy wars and mom-shaming is real, and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. But it's there and my assumption is that it's not going anywhere any time soon.

It's gotten so bad that I used to be afraid of posting pictures of my two-year-old son in the car (throwing cheerios and apple slices everywhere) because he's forward-facing, and I have several friends (good friends) on social media who are members of the carseat police. I didn't dare announce to the world that Vaught was 100% formula-fed by the time he was two weeks old. And don't even get me started on the death concoction that is sunscreen. (Seriously, read that article; it's everything I can't say).

But today, I'm breaking the silence, at least just a little. I swore I wouldn't be that mom, and I'm not going to be.

You know... That mom who...

... freaks out over gender-specific toys.
Y'all, this is a rising fad. Either you're making sure that your little girl plays with only dolls and only wears pink or she's in overalls and is playing in the dirt with tractors because you don't want her feeling confined to gender-specific colors/toys. That entire sentence just gave me a headache. I don't have time to deal with it. Vaught wears "boy clothes" but I definitely wouldn't freak out if he ever wanted a pink t-shirt. He plays with typical "boy toys," but he also loves his stuffed animals something serious and calls them his "babies." He even has a pink teddy bear (I have no idea where it came from and I don't care) that he is obsessed with. He takes a new baby to bed with him every night. Y'all, I cannot deal. I do not have time for this gender nonsense.

... is a bona fide member of the car seat police.
Please stop. I get it, you want every child to be buckled in properly and safely secure (I do too!) but please stop mom-shaming other moms for when they switch to front-facing and other things of that nature. It's such a catch 22 because you're thinking, I ONLY DO IT OUT OF LOVE, but so often it comes across as judgmental and mean. I get it, I really do. But it's just one of those things I can't be bothered with. No one has ever made a comment about Vaught's front facing seat (he's the average height and size of a four-year-old as it is), but I'd sure as hell tell someone to stick it if they ever did.

... is obsessed with breast feeding.
Notice how I say obsessed because there is a difference in being a breastfeeding mom and being an obsessive, mom-shaming milk machine. Breast feeding isn't just something we do for our babies nowadays; it's literally become this explosive culture, this divide between those who DO and those who DON'T. And those of us who don't, especially those of us who chose to be a part of the don't? We are the outties, the crazies, the moms who don't give a shit about the well-being and health of our children. We are selfish and lazy and weak. Just stop. I tried, and I hated it. I only breastfed Vaught for two weeks and will probably not breastfeed my second child, should I ever reproduce again. You won't catch me feeling bad about it. And my boobs still look incredible, so there's that.

... offers unsolicited advice.
I can't and I won't. I feel that my job as a mom and as a member of the elite society of motherhood is to support and encourage my mom friends. My friend Cameron had her baby girl about six months ago, and we were chatting about the transition from bassinet to crib a few days ago. Despite making Vaught a crib sleeper from the time he was two weeks old, I was so encouraging and supportive towards Cameron, who genuinely asked for my advice regarding the process. I just feel like it's best to show love and support to other moms.

I just have this insane need to reach out to every mom I know and even ones I don't and just tell her she's a ROCKSTAR and that her kid is beautiful and loves her so much! I want to tell her that whether or not she co-sleeps or formula feeds doesn't determine who her child becomes or demerit her as a mother in any way. I want to thank those moms who exclusively breastfeed and assure them that their is no shame in the nipple game around me! I want to hug those mamas of sick children and assure them that they are wrapped in the comfort of God. 

Parenting, and more specifically, mothering, can be hard, but at the end of the day, it matters only that your little ones are healthy and loved. Keep it up, mama. I see you and appreciate you, girlfriend.