Who are you? How did you get here?

We are two days from Christmas, one day from beginning the familial family gatherings...

And I've never felt less Christmas-y in my life.

I feel you, Santa.

I haven't felt like buying Christmas gifts, though I finally got it all done. Well, most of it.

I haven't felt like baking any Christmas desserts, something I usually enjoy.

I haven't felt like listening to Christmas music hours on end. I usually live for the day after Thanksgiving, when 104.5 begins playing only Christmas music, but I've hardly listened to it.

sc: kcpace12

I just can't get myself in the Christmas spirit, and I can't quite put my finger on why. This year has flown by, and it seems like the holiday season snuck up on me too fast. I'm almost ashamed of how much effort I've put into my job this semester. I know being a grownup comes with its challenges, but I've never felt so stressed out in my life.

So, I say to this grumpy, sneaky little shadow that's come over me: Who are you? How did you get here? It's a very uncomfortable, unfamiliar feeling, and I feel as if it's almost constantly nagging at me, daring me to provoke it. Tell me I'm not the only Christmas-lover feeling this way this year?? And no, I do not blame the weather at all, but it's definitely not helping.

As 2015 comes to a close, I'm reflecting back on all that's happened this year, and I'm figuring a few things out--about myself and about what I want to do with my life. More on that later on.

One thing that sparks the Christmas fire in me just a little? Vaught. I am so excited to see him open Christmas presents in the next few days. His daycare is amazing; they bought TONS of toys and goodies from Dollar Tree and let the children "choose" gifts for their families and friends. Vaught ended up choosing a total of 15 gifts, and they're all wrapped and ready to be given. The funny part is that I wasn't there when he "chose" the presents, so I have no idea what each person will get! Eric and I were so tickled just thinking about it when we picked up the gifts last night.

I'm hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow, Christmas Eve, and my mood will have just magically changed. Even if it doesn't, I know I'll be alright, for I'm keeping in mind the true reason for the season: the birth of Jesus, my Lord and Redeemer. I'm blessed and thankful that even through a rough patch in my life, He gives me something to celebrate year-round.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!