In 365 days, I was my biggest and my smallest...

I meant to post this a couple weeks ago, but I'm actually glad I didn't; since I began writing it, I've had the stomach virus for a couple days, so I've lost more weight, haha! When I stepped on the scale and saw that I weighed even less after throwing up/not eating/other gross stuff for a few days, I was like Okay, NOW is the time to publish that post!

Cheating, I know. But hey, I've only gained back a pound since the bug, and it's been over a week!

Vaught turned one year old on September 25th, and we had so much fun celebrating him with family and friends. In my quiet time though, I had to reflect back on what I have been through, in mind and body, since he's been born.

In 365 days, I was the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life, weighing 264 two days before I delivered Vaught. As of this morning, I am 204. A 60 pound difference for the win.

 

 

September 2014

October 2015

I love and hate when people say YOU NEVER LOOKED LIKE YOU WEIGHED THAT MUCH!

Thanks. I know that.

I've heard it since I was a teenager. Even when being weighed and measured for cheerleading uniforms and dance costumes when I was younger, my coaches would wrap the tape measurer around me or record my weight then mutter to themselves something along the lines of, "You're bigger than you look." One year, a coach even said "Dang!" to my face.

Although I carry my weight well (obviously), I've always kind of wished it wasn't as much as it was. It's embarrassing to have a nurse at a clinic say, "What do you weigh--175, 180?" Yeah, add about thirty more, dear.

On the flip side, I don't really mind it. It means I'm strong, stronger than most girls my age, my stature, my size. I like knowing that I can run long distances and lift a lot of weight. But it's been hard overcoming being self-conscious about a number that is simply a statistic--a simple fact about my gravitational pull to the earth.

I'm not lying when I say that being a mother has completely changed my perception of my body and what it's capable of. I very definitely still have my bad days, the days where I feel like nothing works, nothing looks good, nothing fits. But those days are rare, and I pick myself up and keep going. On Sunday, I put on a pair of size 12 jeans, and they're a perfect fit; losing two sizes in the past two months is something to be proud of! I have to remember where I come from, where I've been. It's been a hard ride, and it's nowhere near over.

Thank you so much for allowing me to be completely honest. Thank you for coming here to read and support me, thanks for cheering me on. It's nice to know that I can reveal some of my innermost thoughts and struggles with friends and many perfect strangers... If only I could meet you all to thank you in person!