9 Things Because I Can't Even...

 Inspired by one of my favorite authors from TotalSratMove :)

1.      Manicures/Pedicures: the amount of times some of my friends (even my own mother!) visit a nail salon in a single month makes me feel like less of a woman than my hatred of brushing my hair (seriously, have we not invented a way to keep our hair from tangling without ever having to touch it?!). I can’t stand to pay someone $50 to do something I can do for myself while they chatter in a language I don’t understand, and even when they do speak English, I still can't understand them. It’s not part of being a girl; that’s a lie we tell ourselves to justify the amount of money we spend on making sure our polish matches our outfit.

2.      Luke Bryan: A few weeks ago I listened to two consecutive songs on the radio by this country singer, and I thought to myself, he must put on some kind of spectacular show because I would give his vocal talent a 2.76 on a scale of 1-10. I was once forced to watch one of his music videos in the waiting room at my dentist office, and I think this is what turned me off to hi the most: any man who can gyrate better than a woman… is not a man. Sorry, ladies.

       Oh wait, except for Channing Tatum. He's the exception, but granted he did start his career as a dancer.

 

3.      New-Age Country Music: because there is absolutely nothing cute about cut-off denim shorts and cowboy boots as you shake your butt while drinking a Budlight with your drunk girlfriends on the back of a tailgate in the middle of a cornfield.

4.      Pretty Little Liars: more like Pretty Little—please make it stop. I tried to get into this show, I really did. I spent several hours on Netflix in an attempt to have something in common with my sorority sisters on Tuesdays. I think I made it halfway through the second season before I had to stop and ask myself What the hell am I doing?

5.      Michael Kors: he’s been around as a fashion designer since the 80’s and women have just now discovered that he exists. He occupies half the floor space in the handbag area of Macy’s and Dillard’s if you've not noticed. I too am guilty though. The watches were so popular last summer, I had Eric buy me one as my "getting into graduate school" gift... Seriously?

6.      Facebook: I know it’s a great way to network with people, and if that was truly how we all used it, I would totally get in to it again. But I don’t think people realize how ridiculous they sound when they obsess over the things their frenemies/ex-lovers post on there. Is it that hard to figure out why I don’t do it anymore?

7.      Vegans: You do what's best for you and your lifestyle. Just don't ask me how my soul tastes as I devour a hamburger.  

8.      Gluten Free Diet: If you've diagnosed yourself as having a "gluten allergy," just know that there's no such thing. Unless you've been medically diagnosed with celiac or a gluten sensitivity or intolerance, not consuming gluten makes you no healthier than the person who does.

9.      Juicing: I get that it’s a healthy way to consume your fruits and vegetables, but when did we start having a problem eating our fruits and vegetables? Don’t tell me that you consumed nothing but juice for ten days and you’ve never felt better. That’s just plain sickening. I love making a fruit juice smoothie or protein smoothie with Cellucor whey powder every now and then as meal replacement for ONE meal, but juicing as a lifestyle?? I’ll pass.