What It Is & What It Isn't

     No, I'm not trying to rap here. I'm talking about this blog. Since I've made it public to my family and friends, and social network acquaintances, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback, which I love. But I've also received a lot of questions too:

"Well, what's the purpose of it?"

 "Do you just talk about your life?"

 "Is it a blog about your pregnancy?"

 "Who is your audience?" 

     It's hard to answer it all to so many different people, so I decided to write a "brief" history of my blog, followed by an explanation of its role in my life now, to maybe clear up some of these common Q's.

     When I started the blog in 2010, it went by a different name, and I wrote entries about college and sorority life mainly. I've deleted many of those entries now because I would also talk about the nutcase of a roommate I had at the time and an unnamed friend who was suffering from an eating disorder (not negatively, just in general). I sounded so vain and immature sometimes. I would never release my full name or where I lived; it was like an online diary, I guess. I didn't really filter anything I wrote. 

     I grew bored with the blogging world and didn't really mess with it for nearly three years, but in the summer of 2013 (precisely a year ago), I came back with intentions of making this domain a health and fitness blog where I could journal new healthy recipes and smoothie mixes I was trying. I had also planned to begin blogging my workouts, which were pretty intense for a while, and list my muscle gain and fat loss along the way, but I never got around to it. Once again, I suppose I just lost interest.

     When I discovered I was pregnant, I came back to it and renamed the blog "Keeping Pace." One of the main questions I've been asked, even from my husband, is why Keeping Pace? What does the name mean? Well, if you're keeping pace, it means you're keeping up. It's a play on words; my last name is now Pace, so you're keeping up with me. Get it? Clever, I know. I decided that although I wanted to refrain from making it a blog about my pregnancy or baby, I really did want to keep the site up-to-date with interesting articles and lifestyle columns.

What it is:

      Lately, I have written a lot about my pregnancy; this is a lifestyle blog after all, and pregnancy is currently a pretty big part of my life! Plus, there's just so many interesting areas to explore with pregnancy. I really like being a member of the Baby Center community; I never post anything on the discussion boards, but I love reading the discussions and thoughts of other mothers; it gives me an inside look to how different all of our nine month journeys really are. Much of what they say inspires me for what I write about here, concerning pregnancy and children of course.
      As my life changes, so will the content of my blog. I'm really looking forward to blogging more about health and fitness once Vaught arrives and I begin working on post-baby body. I'm a seasoned runner and weight trainer, so expect some good pieces on that in the future. I follow thirty-four week pregnant, WBFF competitor Abigail Edwards on Instagram and get a lot of my pregnancy workout ideas from her, and I would love to blog about those sometime soon. Basically though, a random thought or topic will just come to mind one day. I'll open the Blogger app on my phone and begin writing from where I am, be it in line at the grocery store or waiting in my OB's office.

     Keeping Pace is a place for me to let everything out and be 100% honest--not that I'm not in real life, but I think that we understand ourselves and our situations so much better when we're able to put them down on paper, in our own words. Yes, I know this isn't exactly paper, but you get what I'm saying. Keeping Pace is not a reveal all, tell-all, but it is the one thing that can be all about me or whatever is going on in my life at the current time. It's not like Twitter or Instagram, or dare I say Faccebook, where you don't have a choice but to see what I post or Tweet. If you're reading this, then you made an effort to come here, meaning you're interested in my life and/or what I have to say, which I LOVE. Seriously, I love how many readers I've gained since going public! Even still, you're reading truly by choice; I can put whatever I please on here, and if you grow tired of me, all you do is simply stop visiting. Because of that, I can write whatever I please. There's much that I'd rather not say on Twitter or Instagram because I don't want to offend anyone or hurt any feelings. But this blog is an open range where I feel like I can write about anything I want without having to tailor much of what I say. That's what I truly love about blogging.

What it isn't:

     As stated above, it's not my online personal diary. If you're looking for deep, dark secrets you won't find them here. This blog is not where I hang my dirty laundry, trust me :)

     My precious baby boy... I love how many celebrity gossip magazines are adopting the "No Kid Policy," meaning that they are refusing to print paparazzo photos of celebrities' children; they will only print pictures of famous children if the photos were made public by the parents (i.e.: Channing Tatum posts a picture of his little girl to Instagram with millions of followers; therefore, People Magazine is safe to use it as well). I would almost like to adopt a "No Kids Policy" with Vaught. Yes, I will post plenty of pictures of him, I'm sure, but this blog is not the place to do it. Also, I do not want, and am very adamant in this, a "Facebook baby," where it seems like my child's entire life is documented on Facebook, or any social media for that matter. Before deactivating Facebook, I vividly remember a friend of mine posting question's about her newborn son's recently circumcised penis, open for all Facebook friends to see. And people were answering her questions like it was nothing. Maybe it was okay to many of them, but I just completely disagreed with it. To each his own, but personally, I would never, ever put stuff like that out there for everyone to see. First, out of respect for my son. Secondly... it's just not what I want to see on social media. And I don't want to do that to other readers. So, this is not a place where you'll read all about my son's life as he grows and develops into the handsome little stud I know he'll be. I'm extremely personal about pictures of young children and babies being everywhere, and this definitely is not the place for that.

     A ranting page. This should be quite obvious because I don't have any posts where I'm just throwing a fit. I've seen lots of blogs like that though... the writers just seem so angry! Who wants to read that?? Some of it's entertaining, sure, but this is not the thing I'll turn to when something or someone pisses me off. Positive vibes only!

     To sum it up, Keeping Pace is one of the things I am happiest about in my life. I know that probably sounds weird, but I love writing; therefore, I really love my blog. It's a place where I can be myself without worry and a place I can connect with other bloggers. We all have interesting things to share and talk about, and I love reading about others' lives and experiences. If you're reading, then I want to encourage you to continue doing so. It makes me so happy to log on every day and see the page view tab keep going up and up. It's inspiring and makes me want to go even further with my blog. Once Baby Pace arrives, expect my entries to tailor slowly back to the "lifestyle" area, with many articles about fitness, health, and of course, post-baby body updates. I'm seriously considering enrolling in a bootcamp after baby and tracking my progress, scary as that might seem right now.

 

You're not going to see breastfeeding selfies nor any opinion articles on breastfeeding here :) You're not going to be forced to listen to me whine and complain about the hardships of being a new, young mother. Keeping Pace is a positive, happy place. And I am hopeful that you'll continue keeping up with me.

Our Lives Are Not Over.

image from Glamour.com

"I've lived a very big life, and I don't feel my age, and I feel like I was born to be a mother... Sometimes people speak about [having kids] like, 'Your life ends--you're never going to be able to do anything again!' And I'm like, 'What are you talking about?' Motherhood is the most beautiful, exciting thing."

     This quote comes from 24-year-old actress Hayden Panettiere, from her May 2013 issue of Glamour magazine. I fell in love with it after I read it, for even before I became pregnant, I knew that what this beautiful, talented young woman was saying was very true. 

     At sixteen years old, I swore off marriage and children. I just knew I would never get married or reproduce, two things that absolutely terrified me to think of, even hypothetically. When Eric and I began dating when I was 18, I started to think that maybe this was a guy I could marry some day. Maybe marriage isn't so bad. Maybe! Then at 21, I knew it was him. I wasn't sure of very much else, but I knew he was the man God sent for me. And although marriage was still a pretty scary thought, my decision to become his wife was one I felt sure of. Being married to him makes me the happiest girl in the world. In a world full of uncertainties, our devotion to one another is the one thing I can always hang my hat on. And that makes me happy.
     Then comes the thought of children. I still didn't want any, but I married a guy who did. I told him we would need to wait a few years. Maybe when I was 27 or 28 I would feel more at ease with the idea of motherhood. In the back of my mind, I think a part of me hoped that after it was just us two for so long, Eric would no longer want children. I know--selfish, right? But sometime shortly after our wedding, I happened to pick up Hayden's issue of Glamour (and it was almost an accident--I thought she was Scarlett Johansson at first glance of the cover), and I read and reread her interview a dozen times. My favorite part? The part about motherhood, of course. Here was this absolutely stunning 23-year-old woman who was willing to say, with confidence, that she feels like she was born to be a mother (and rumor has it that she is pregnant now). It was enlightening because that is, after all, a large part of God's purpose for woman. The idea of motherhood suddenly not only seemed possible for me-- it began to sound appealing.
     Even still, you can read Baby Pace's story and know that we weren't really planning for him, so I want to talk more about what went through my mind when I realized he was coming. Other young mothers and mothers-to-be should understand that it is perfectly acceptable to feel this way... At 20, 21, 22, as I watched (on Facebook, mainly) girls from high school, even some from my graduating class, become young mothers. I would laugh and think, Bless your little heart; your life is over. After those two positive pregnancy tests, I kind of thought the same thing to myself, I admit. What happened to all of my plans and my aspirations? What's going to happen to my body, and will I ever look the same? Will Eric and I be as happy with a third person in our home as we are now? What about all the stuff I wanted to do first? Can I really do this? Yes, all of those things came to my mind. In all honesty, it took a good week for the news to really resonate with me; I wasn't this giddy, happy pregnant girl at the first sight of a pink plus sign. When I announced our big news, I was almost afraid of what people would think and say. All of my friends know me as the girl who was never having kids, who claimed to strongly dislike them even, and would wear many titles in life, "mother" never being one of them if I had it my way. In their minds, I feel like so many of my friends and family kind of laughed at me after announcing the news (and I do hope it was with good humor). Others may have thought the same thing I used to think of all those girls: Well, your life is over.
     In this interview, I think that's the barrier that Hayden is trying to break down. To all the girls and young women who make crude jokes about pregnancy, our lives are not over. If anything, they have just begun. And you. have. no. idea. what. you're. talking. about. Are we scared? Yes. I think any new mother would be crazy to not be at least a little. Are our lives about to change forever? Well, of course. That's motherhood, dear. And I'm hearing that it's a pretty incredible change. But are our lives "over?" Are we officially going to be bumps on the mommy logs who just sit around all day wiping away spit-up and filling bottles? Nah. At least not all the time. Our lives are not over. Not in the least bit.
      I never really saw myself in these shoes (swollen feet and all), but now that I am, I couldn't be happier. Every kick reminds me of the miracle that's taking place within me. It's so amazing, I cannot even begin to describe it. The first time you hear that little heartbeat, you've never been more sure of anything in the world except how badly you yearn for this tiny person in the making. Suddenly every decision you make revolves around this little one; you do everything with him in mind, and you shudder at the thought of harming him in any way. Your entire outlook on life changes. To be honest, my plans are not important anymore. I was supposed to at least have my Specialist's degree before Eric and I even considered babies. And it will happen (I'm still trooping through the Master's program), but it's not important anymore. I was supposed to run my first half marathon in New Orleans the first week of February; after finding out I was expecting, I decided not to, for fear that I might suffer a second miscarriage. I couldn't bear the thought of the possibility that I could cause this child any harm by running thirteen miles. I was supposed to do a lot of things in my mind. It's not important to me anymore.
     It's not a walk in the park, and I think that's part of the beauty of this journey, and yes, it is beautiful. I still get really anxious and scared sometimes. As a matter of fact, I had a complete meltdown on Memorial Day. It was silly, but in the midst of my family having a good time at my house, I retreated to my bedroom, laid down, and cried for nearly an hour straight, due to something that arose in the conversation we'd been having that had frightened me. Upon realizing something was wrong, my mother found me, and I cried to her that I was terrified at the thought of not being a good mother. I expressed my fears of not being able to provide or give him everything he needs. My mother hugged me and told me I was being silly. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear at the time, but I knew she was right because she's never been wrong before about things like that. This is all 100% normal, and if you've had children and say you've never felt this way, you know you're kidding yourself. Yes, it's beautiful and wonderful, but it's also scary. Marriage is a huge step, but motherhood... Motherhood is one giant leap of faith into the unknown.

I can't say that I'm going to do everything perfectly as a new mother or that I'll even know what I'm doing half the time. The first few weeks may be all about survival and doing whatever I've got to do to get a little sleep and keep my sanity. But I do know that I'll be okay. I can't say for sure that I'll ever get that doctorate's degree, though it is still an enormous goal for me. I can't say for sure that I'll end up running a half marathon or that I'll open my coffee shop when I'm older (another dream of mine). But these things aren't so important anymore.

My life is not over, and even if all of the above never happens, I feel as if I now have more to look forward to than I could ever imagine.

 

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she laughs without fear of the future."