I've had some time to calm down.

When I wrote the post about quitting my job as a teacher more than a month ago, I was extremely emotional. I literally sat in a corner in Starbucks writing the post with tears rolling down my face. I was so sad and so relieved at the same time. Although I got numerous messages about the post supporting my decision to leave my job, I can't help but feel that my thoughts on the blog were a little scattered and unorganized; I felt like I was rambling at some parts, and I totally was.

Well, I've had some time to clam down. And think. And reflect.

My decision to quit my job is probably the best one I've made so far this year. Yes, I know we're only a few months into 2016, but I feel in my heart that I did what was truly best for me and for my family. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders, like the elephant is finally off my chest.

Looking back, I don't really know how I made it as long and as far as I did. I knew by October that this wasn't what I wanted to do, and I really didn't think I would be returning after Christmas, but I did, hoping and praying that things would be better and for just a moment, they were.

 

For nearly four years, I gave teaching everything I had. When I was slacking, I knew it. I addressed it and vowed to get better. I went to trainings, took rigorous notes, stayed consistent, or tried to at least, and took in all the advice and constructive criticism I could handle... until it all became too much.

I remember my first year as a teacher, not entirely fondly. There was criticism after criticism after criticism. It wasn't always helpful; it was rarely kind. I had just turned twenty-two; I was practically still a child fighting hard to grow up and be an adult in a cruel world. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that I am soft and sensitive, something that surprises a lot of people, for some reason. I'm not easily bothered, but I am easily upset. I wear my feelings on my sleeve, and I let people get the best of me. I am kind and compassionate, two qualities that are also mistaken for weakness.

I used to hate that I was that way, and I'm only just now coming to terms with being okay with it. It's who I am, it's how God made me. I shouldn't have to apologize for it or try to make up for it. And now, I don't. I finally decided to listen to this nagging feeling in my heart that I was not where I was supposed to be. I couldn't ignore it any longer.

So I set out to do something that more closely aligns with who I am as a person. I wanted to do something where I could be soft and compassionate and empathetic all at once. Luckily, I've found that in the two jobs I now hold: as an independent distributor with ItWorks Global and as a makeup artist with Amy Head Cosmetics.

I've had some time to calm down and think about the decisions I've made in the past few weeks. I'm proud of what I've done, guys. I absolutely hated to leave my sixth graders... As a matter of fact, if there is one hurt I still have, it's for them. I love them and think of them daily. But I did what I felt in my heart was best, and I am happy.

And that, my friends, is what matters.