I quit my job today.

I walked right into the building, marched into my principal's office, slammed my resignation letter on his desk and shouted, "I AM DONE!" before stomping out, back to the warmth of my car and the comfort of my bed at home.

Okay, so it didn't exactly go like that. It was more like... Well, I guess you should first know a little about my experience in education. 

I sailed through my University program like it was nothing. For the most part, I had great professors and amazing clinical instructors. They made it look so easy and so much fun. Sure, I knew there would be challenges, but I just knew that teaching is what I was meant to do. 

I got my first job in the fall of 2012, and whoa… This shit was much harder than I'd anticipated. Kids were crazy. I couldn't keep up with anything. I didn't know how to handle certain things or who to go to with questions. I was likable and definitely had good moments in the classroom, but there was obstacle after obstacle. It was a tough year full of learning experiences, but after that initial year, I thought "Okay, here we go! I'm no longer the new girl! I can do this!"

Year two happens and not much changes. I started to realize maybe I really don't enjoy teaching. I guess I shouldn't have been so devastated when I lost my job at the end of that second year, but it definitely put a dent in my and my husband's financial security (teaching doesn't pay much, but hey--it's a job).

March of 2015 I get a gig at Oxford High School, and I enjoyed it because I took the place of a special education teacher who simply babysat his students. I went into work every day and watched Netflix or played games with my kids because that's what the one before me had done all year.

I can't make this stuff up.

I still got the feeling that I didn't want to teach another year. I just don't know if this is for me, I told my friends and family. But at the urging of my husband, I decided to give it another try. Plus, I needed a job.

October 2015… Once again, there I was. Unhappy, unsure, dissatisfied, anxious. Was my job supposed to make me feel this way? Maybe I shouldn't share this, but since I talk about health on my blog often, I will. By November, I was having menstruation cycles that lasted anywhere from 10 to 20 days. Then there would be an "off" week, and then it would come back. I'd been regular again for a while not long after having Vaught, so I didn't understand what was going on... until Christmas break, when I finally called my doctor and the nurse told me it was likely stress-related.

A few days before Christmas break, my principal came to me. He could see an enormous difference in my persona. I was wearing my struggles and stresses like heavy, rusty chains around my neck.

That was the same day I called my mom squawling like a child.

"I am a walking definition of a failure," I cried to her. "I have never been this unhappy in my life… I am so disappointed in myself. I am miserable. I hate myself!"

I let it all out to her during my planning period. I remember two of my students coming in to give me a Christmas gift, and I didn't let up. I pointed to a desk for them to set the gifts on, and I continued boo-hooing. To this day, they haven't mentioned the incident to me. Bless them.

And like any mother of a twenty-five-year-old grown, crying woman would do, my mother said sternly, "Calm down. Get a grip. When you're calm, then we can talk."

I called her back a few minutes later after taking a breather.

"Okay," I told her, "I can't continue to complain about how much I hate my job and continue going to it each day. Next thing I know, I'll be five years deep, hating it even more. I've got to change something. Right now."

"Okay then," my mom said. "Get out of this. Find something else."

And so began my search. I honestly hadn't planned on returning after Christmas break. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but let me tell you that those seventeen days away from education were just what I needed. Although I applied to several jobs during the break, I hadn't heard back from anyone, so I returned to my job in January and for a short time things were going okay.

I also have to add here that just a few days before break was over, I joined ItWorks! Global. Goodness, how it began to bless me so quickly. I was waking up excited to go to work because I knew that at some point during the day I would also be talking to someone about ItWorks. I grew to love meeting and talking to new people about how these products have shaped my fitness journey. I loved helping people choose products that would help them as well.

It wasn't long though until the woes of teaching began wearing down on me again. And then came that Wednesday, when I was having a pretty rough day already, but my principal came in for an informal observation. Think of everything that can go wrong when your principal is in your classroom... It all happened. I'd forgotten to distribute the materials my kids needed, so when I asked them to look at the handout, they looked back at me in confusion, and I was all WHAT IS WRONG WITH Y'ALL? and they were all Whoa, Ms. Pace.

I'm fairly certain that was the day I officially lost it. I was done.

My principal wanted to meet with me the next day, despite my best attempts at avoiding him all morning. There was another administrator in the meeting, a woman I really respected and loved at our school. She moment I sat down, my principal asked me if I wanted to "be here."

I was shaking my head no before he could even finish his sentence. And we go from there.

I'm so glad I was able to be honest with him. He was kind and understanding and helpful. He'd seen teachers struggle and succumb to the stress that this job often brings. It's not pretty.

I put in my two weeks notice the next Monday, with an anticipated last day of Friday, February 12th.

I was nervous and a little scared; I had not found another job. Isn't that the first rule of quitting your job? Make sure you have something else to hang on to? Well, I broke the rule. And I'd never felt so confident or sure in my decision.

So here I am on the afternoon of Friday, February 12th. Today was my last day with my sixth graders; however, I only spent the morning with them. I talked to my first period class only. We laughed together, cried together, and then there was that enormous group hug that captivated my heart. They were confused and upset at first, as they should be, but by the time I left I think they understood.

For the first time in a while, I made a decision that was solely about me, and I know what some of you may be thinking: it's not about you. But if you knew where I've been, where I've come from, what I'd been feeling in my heart, in every vein in my body, you'd probably say to yourself, Oh, okay. You go, girl.

It was something I needed to do, and I've never felt better. I decided to say YES to a really great adventure. For the first time in my life, I'm winging it. I can't wait to see what's next for me. Can I really make ItWorks my full time job? Maybe I'll pursue something in finance or banking? Maybe I'll sell insurance or cars? (HA). Maybe I'll just breathe for a while and take care of me and my family.

I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.

Thank you, as always, for your endless love and support. You're all amazing!